Spike Milligan Writes to Margaret Thatcher and George Harrison

'I hate to draw this parallel but whereas the human race is not an endangered species, you showed a remarkable amount of compassion, and even shed tears of concern at the thought of even the loss of one of them, namely your son, Mark Thatcher. Dare I say, what would you have done if you had to wait for a Scientific Committee to sit in judgement for a decision on whether he was worth saving. Basically the argument is a moral one. Man is the only creature who has a chance to show compassion through his morality.'

'This is what you do, it's very simple; you stand in front of a telephone and you insert your fingers in the holes and carry out a series of numbers which have been given to you. Of course, if you are rich you have buttons, which Irishmen usually sew on their coats.'

'The funeral takes place at Golders Green Crematorium, no flowers please, just money. You will recognise me, I am the dead one.'