The Paddies and The Yanks

Observations to note. "You're not in Cavan anymore boi".

The Americans don't say "right bye bye bye bye bye" on the phone and you will get hung up on in the middle of your twelve byes. Seemingly one is enough.

They don't say "G'luck", they say "you have a great day" to which you hesitatingly narrow your eyes at them and refrain from saying "well i'll have a good day if I want to regardless of you".

They compliment each other. They don't feel awkward doing this nor are they being sarcastic. There's none of this "ya fat c*nt" shite.

They go to therapy not confession.

Oh they're all Irish... They're just not sure how... Or where... Or who...

I kid you not I've had an Irish history lesson from a man who's Irish (his mothers aunts uncles fathers cats son) and seemingly we fought for independence with spears... In kilts.

They like to add the tax on at the counter just so there's that wonderful element of unwanted surprise.

If you forget to tip, you're a hateful foreigner. And you must tip EVERYONE who works at anything!

They open tabs in bars here. Fantastic. Either A: you drink money you don't have at the cost of them keeping your credit card or B: you drink money you can't spend and wake up feeling like you've been robbed when your card is declined.

As minor as this may seem, the light switches are backwards. You flick down to turn off and up to turn on. Remember this so you're not sending SOS signals to neighbours.

It's normal, expected and hygienic to walk around the block after your dog collecting its sh*t and then carrying that sh*t home in a bag.

You will never see cows walk by your window. If you do, you need to call somebody as those cows are lost.

Getting stuck behind people in rush hour here is worse than being stuck behind cows in rush hour as you can't shoo people, you can however shout "G'wan!" At cows.

They are very good at queuing. Why do I feel this is a concept we aren't very good with. We pile into chippers like cattle at a mart.

I have found no chippers. They have pizza as opposed to a kebab, chicken burger or battered sausage and a bag of chips at 3am.

You can eat Pizza in the cinemas.

All washing up liquid regardless of brand is not called fairy liquid, it's "dish soap".

They don't use military time, the month comes first in dates and they know which direction is North, south, east or west and assume you do too.

They dress for their seasons. No t-shirts in the cold regardless of you being a "hardy bast*rd" and they wear wellies in the rain not something wildly unpractical like uggs.

They don't know what wellies are. They're "rain boots".

Spuds means nothing here.

They don't give out about the snow or expect a snow day in fact they get up early and clear the footpaths then participate in life as normal.

You get your own drink in McDonalds. Excuse me.

Telling them you're B.R's daughter gives them no context as to who you are.

You can smoke outside in Ireland full stop. Here, it's prohibited on platforms and in parks.

They don't understand when you remark "hah! Lovely weather!" On a miserable wet day.

They don't remark on the weather at all and you pointing it out to them is probably odd.

They'll always ask you what your second name means in Irish to the point where you'll want to say "king of the belgim heffers" or something.

They don't know what their neighbour ate for breakfast here. Nor are they talking about what they might of ate.

When they swear, they never manage to get the whole holy family into it, it's F*ck not "Jesus mother of God and Joseph on the handlebars"

But all in all, The Yanks are a great bunch of lads.